Title: Sartorially Offensive
Fandom: Hawaii Five-0
Summary: “Sartorially offensive? Did you just end an argument with me about my taste in pizza toppings by calling my sartorially offensive?”
Written for a prompt.

Sartorially Offensive

“Sartorially offensive? Did you just end an argument with me about my taste in pizza toppings by calling my sartorially offensive? In what world does that even make sense?”

“You have no taste – pineapple pizza, button fly cargoes, same thing!”

“No, it really isn’t. You have a terrible taste for pastry goods and an offensive prejudice against pineapples, but you still think wearing a tie to work every day is the height of fashion.”

“That’s beside the point, the point is your taste in pizza and clothing is offensive.”

“Look, I dress myself for comfort. I don’t want to be trying to chase down a suspect -.”

“Or shoot them, or dump them in a shark tank -.”

Point, I don’t want to be doing that and be all… chafed, or uncomfortable, because my snooty tailored slacks don’t move right.”

“I get along alright.”

“I can carry my phone, guns, weapons, handcuffs and a snack. With spare room. You practically need a manbag.”

Manbag?! You think ties are only useful for tying people’s hands to the headboard, but you know the word manbag?”

“I also know the words prissy bitch, if that’s helpful.”

Kono thought she should probably jump in there before they actually started getting physical with each other. It was a toss up on any given day if it would end in bloodshed or public acts of indecency. Or both.

“I’ll show you a prissy bitch, Steve McGarrett, and I’ll use my ties and manbags to do it!”

“You’d have to catch me first, and with those pretty trousers of your cutting off your circulation I’m almost guaranteed to get away from you!”

“I am perfectly capable of looking smart and professional and still be able to chase you down. I don’t need to look like I can’t afford clothes that don’t come in three-packs from Walmart to be comfortable!”

“Oh, that is definitely something a woman would say – did Rachel teach you that?”

“Oh, that’s completely below the belt. And speaking of below the belt, compensating for much?”

Kono sat back down. Maybe she’d try to separate them later. The popcorn wasn’t finished yet, anyway.